Cake

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Only known image of Cake.
Cake is the name given to a mysterious and powerful entity that lives in the Event Horizon. Little is known about what Cake is, but it is said to be the father of all zombies, and possibly all cake as well.

Description

To most, Cake resembles a zombie with gold armor, a diamond sword, and a cake in place of a helmet which covers its face. (assuming it has a face) Cake is completely indestructible, and as such, cannot be killed by anything. The only way to effectively stop Cake is to lead it to the Void, though that is still not a permanent solution. Your only hope against Cake, should you encounter it and if you do not have a void available is to find a way to trap it, and get as far away as possible before it poofs out of its trap.

If Cake hits you, you will die, no matter what. No armor will stop its trans-dimensional blade from ending you.

Prevailing Theories

Although Cake has likely been around for a while, its existence was not known publicly until the 1st of September, 2013. There are many hypotheses put forward to explain what Cake is, though nobody is certain.

Theory 1: The Great Destroyer

It is said that in the beginning, Notch created the fabric of the Minecraftverse. To hold this fabric together, he created several beings of conflicting alignment to hold the balance. First, there was Jeb, the great force of Goodness and fabulous hair. Second, there was Splarg, the chaotically Neutral prophet who knew all of time. At last, there was the morally absent, but still very important Great Tree of Avalon whose roots held everything together, and who is represented by the mighty treant, Sir Branches.

However, all things that are created must eventually be destroyed, and so it was that a fourth being came into... err... being. This being is Cake, and its destiny is to unravel the entire Minecraftverse, once the time comes.

Theory 2: Science Gone Awry

It is well known that local mad scientist and demigod Fubaka is keen on running experiments involving supremely overclocked equipment. It is entirely likely that Cake is merely a zombie that has been given impervious armor and a super sword, which broke free of its confines in Fubaka's laboratory. Its ability to teleport is likely also due to some weird and kind of dim-witted experiment.

Theory 3: Post-Mortem Representative

Cake bears an eerie resemblance to three tyrants from ancient times. These mad monarchs, known as the Cake Barons once pillaged the Empire of Pixellia, eating up all the wealth so they could rule the world with cakes. Their demise left a gaping hole in the circle of power which has yet to be filled. Perhaps Cake is simply a symbol of their lust for power and pastry made real, animated by their lingering souls.

Theory 4: Meepling

It is possible that Meepling simply sneezed on a cake, and this is what resulted. Makes as much sense as anything else, right?

Sightings

Cake was first sighted on the 1st of September, 2013 by two unlucky laboratory aides working in the Event Horizon; Qwizzy and Macpants. They will never be the same again.

Trivia

  • It is said that Cake is the one responsible whenever the server crashes.
  • Cake is not a lie.
  • Cake cannot be defeated.
  • All blades perish that attempt to pierce Cake.
  • Cake is the end of all things.
  • Cake will find you.
  • Cake doesn't actually enjoy cake.
  • Cake will consume everything.
  • Fubaka claims no responsibility for Cake.